One of the good things about being Jewish is that we tend to finish with our holiday festivities before the Christmas craziness fully blossoms. That held true this year. With that said, I still find myself fending off Christmas fêtes, endless sets of Christmas music playing on the radio – enough! I just sang 6 concerts’ worth – and the endless teacher appreciation gifts, which of course they deserve. The Fat Man arrives one week from today, and I would like these annoying things to go away right now:
- all of the radio stations which have gone to “all Christmas music, all the time, until Christmas”. I would really like to hear other music.
- the gaudy, oversized wreaths which “magically” appeared on the gates to my neighborhood, courtesy of the neighbor who lives closest to them, and without seeking the HOA’s approval or even permission. Maybe next year, I’ll borrow Chabad’s giant menorah and strap it to the gates.
- the lines in the post office, which are terribly annoying to this terrible aunt, who failed to mail certain Chanukah gifts on time. Ahem.
- the endless gift baskets of crap given by various patients and businesses to WineGuy. How many little boxes of butter cookies and biscotti does one family need? Please, just bake him a plate of cookies and be done with it.
- the endless empty baskets and containers in which the crap is packed. How many wicker baskets, metal or leather magazine holders does one family need?
- the astounded and offended looks on the people who ask me, “Are you ready for Christmas?” when I tell them, “No, it’s not my holiday.” Maybe it’s easier to play along, but I’d rather assert my independence.
- the incessantly ringing bells in every shopping venue around town. I realize they’re collecting for charity, but there is enough noise pollution at this time of year. Shut up!
OK, I’ll move my Scrooge-y behind off my podium now. Bah, humbug.