20/20 Hindsight

Yesterday was WineGuy’s and my 17th wedding anniversary. It was quite unmemorable. WG wanted to get away for the weekend but failed to tell me until yesterday afternoon. Wild Thing and Moose were being completely wild before trick-or-treating. Wizard has been combative for days. All of that is par for the course. What really hurt my feelings was that no one — not one family member or friend — called to wish us a Happy Anniversary. My mother and BIL in Fort Lauderdale sent us cards. That’s the first time this has ever happened, and I know why.

I am pretty confident that none of my brothers is speaking to me now because of the turmoil over Wizard’s Bar Mitzvah last summer and because I refused to attend a party they planned, without my knowledge or input, for my mother’s 80th birthday. The Bar Mitzvah drama is well-documented here. The 80th birthday story naturally followed. I asked my mother 5 months ago what she wanted to do for her birthday. She would not give me a concrete answer; so, I let it go, figuring she didn’t want a fuss. A month before my mother’s birthday, she let it spill that TaxMan and DocBro were planning a party for her at TaxMan’s home near Washington, D.C. A day later, DocBro called and invited us to attend. Period. No input, no consultation of schedules, nothing. I asked him why I wasn’t consulted, and he replied, “TaxMan and I planned it. You’re welcome to come.” I was really offended and told him I’d let them know. I checked our schedule and found that WG was on-call that weekend. When I called TaxMan for his birthday the following week, I wrongly raised the issue of the party, and we had words. I apologized to TaxMan for my bad timing and told him that we could not be at Mom’s party because of WG’s call schedule. He said he understood. My mother said she understood. WG and I drove over to Mom’s for her birthday, took her out to a very special dinner, and spent the weekend with her. She said she really enjoyed that.

The DC party came and went. All of my brothers were there, including The Egg in from Israel and one of his kids. All of DocBro’s kids were there. TaxMan’s wife, SILL, cooked everything for the party, and all of their kids were there. My mother’s sister and brother and all of their local children and grandchildren were there. Some of Mom’s DC friends and their children were there, but we were not. It was a big mistake.

When WG heard the initial plans, he growled, “If you don’t stand up to your brothers now, they will always walk all over you.” I thought he was right. He wasn’t. I should have taken the three boys to DC for my mother’s party and left WG at home. I can’t change how my brothers treat me; I can only change my own behavior. Yesterday, I commented to Wizard that my brothers are not speaking to me because of the Bar Mitzvah and the birthday arguments. Wizard said, “They’ll get over it.” I hope he’s right.

20/20 hindsight:  I should have been more objective and less emotional; I should have done the right thing for my mother and not for anyone’s ego.

20/20 hindsight:  I probably should have stood up to WG on the Bar Mitzvah issue, too.

20/20 vision:  Act more maturely and less selfishly now.

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