Postcards From The Zone

Dear Breakfast Club,

I truly enjoy our meetings, but if I have to sit through another one where all we discuss is Wizard, I’m going to scream. Can we please change the subject?

Love,

Alto2

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Dear Wizard,

We’re pulling your lazy ass out of Algebra I. You didn’t do the work for the course last year, and the Middle School correctly predicted you would not be up to the task. You can’t or won’t work hard, and your teacher fears you’re in over your head. I know you are. I knew you would be, but your father refused to accept that. Have fun screwing around in Advanced Math.

Exponentially disgusted,

Mom

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Dear Calvin,

I had no idea checks could be washed of their ink. I just went and bought some gel pens today. Alas, they were not purple.

Tangled up in violet,

Alto2

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Dear Public Elementary School Counselor,

This morning your school psychologist called me in response to an email request to authorize gifted testing for Wild Thing and Moose. The psych has poor focus and an even worse command of the  English language. He got my name wrong and didn’t comprehend my request. He is going to forward my email to you, and I hope you will follow through more competently.

I may not enroll my kids in public school anytime soon, but I want the testing done now because I know how long it takes for the public school system to complete even the simplest task.

Thank you,

Alto2, spelled A-L-T-O-2 (get it right)

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Dear MIL,

You have sunk to new depths of cheap. I will gladly return the state quarters to you which your loser son gave his dopey daughter (Niece R) to give to Moose. Someone should have told Niece R that Moose should only take the quarters he needed instead of offering him the entire change-purse. I taught him to accept gifts graciously. Thanks for teaching him about “Indian-givers”.

Love,

Alto2, the best damned DIL you have, ever had, and ever will have

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One thought on “Postcards From The Zone

  1. OH. Holy. Hell. That last one? WTF?! With family like that….well..a more gracious season is upon us so I wont finish that sentence, but yeah, ‘new depths of cheap’ is kind.

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