Personal Maintenance

In honor of NaBloPoMo, I spent the morning attending to “personal maintenance”. The girls in Breakfast Club raised their collective eyebrows and chided me that waxing should have been handled before my anniversary yesterday. First of all, there is no need for “that” kind of waxing:  this hefty body is not now, has never been, and will likely never be bikini ready. The only Brazilian I want in my life is a churrasquería. (Look it up.) No, it’s my unibrow that requires routine waxing. Otherwise, I’d be a dead ringer for Frida Kahlow.

If we’re speaking frankly about hair growth and aging, why didn’t anyone ever tell me I’d be able to grow a beard and mustache in my 40s? Seriously, for the last 5-6 years, my upper lip, chin, and neck have sprouted long, dark hairs everywhere. I look like one of the weird sisters in Macbeth. For a while, I waxed and plucked my way to facial smoothness, until the wax started irritating my skin, and the tweezing became only temporary. My then-hairdresser introduced me to a Vietnamese woman, T, who does threading. Threading is a process to remove facial hair by pulling it out by rolling taut strands of thread across the skin. It can be temporarily painful, but it’s also very effective in removing large patches of whiskers and snaggly hairs from a woman’s face. Threading is an ancient technique, and it’s far more appealing than shaving. Some people have their eyebrows threaded, but I save the threading for the broadest parts of my face and neck. I prefer the control T has using wax to shape my eyebrows instead of threading.

Finally, I’ll have my hair colored and cut this week, so that I’m duly presentable for the remainder of NaBloPoMo … and because it’s way past due. There are days when I toy with stopping coloring my hair, but then I slap myself. I really don’t want to be a white haired almost-49 year old woman. That kind of hag wouldn’t have children in grade school and middle school. Would she???


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